


They're All Together Ooky

by stardropdream



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Halloween, M/M, Minor Allura/Lance (Voltron), Minor Matt/N7 - Freeform, POV Outsider, Post-Canon, Season 8 Doesn't Exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 20:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20627075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardropdream/pseuds/stardropdream
Summary: At Lance's Halloween party, the alien guests have a hard time recognizing or understanding Shiro and Keith's costumes... or why those costumes apparently give them an excuse to act likeThat.





	They're All Together Ooky

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Patch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Patch/gifts).

> Gift Fic for [Patch](https://twitter.com/PatchOfFeathers), who won my 800 follower giveaway on Twitter! They requested a Halloween party for the Paladins, with Shiro and Keith dressed as Gomez and Morticia Addams... and using that as an excuse to be "in character". Thanks for the prompt! ♥ 
> 
> And thank you to [Jess](https://twitter.com/warpspeed_chic) and [Kou](https://twitter.com/paokous) who read this over for me! 
> 
> It's a bit early for Halloween... but be the change you want to see in the world, fam. 🎃

“Lance,” Allura says, stepping up beside Lance as he pours himself more punch from the bowl. “I do believe I’m beginning to understand the significance of this holiday, but I still find myself unsure about these costumes.” 

Lance turns to look at her— momentarily distracted, as he always is, at her casual beauty. And, today, her choice in costume. Allura is an absolute goddess but she’s also wearing mouse ears and has whiskers penciled on her cheeks. One of the space mice sits on her shoulder, completing the look, and frankly Lance has never been more in love. 

He lets himself beam at her, besotted and sappy, until Allura’s mouth twitches with a begrudgingly amused yet annoyed smile. “Lance…” 

“Which costume do you need help understanding?” he asks, because he’s a gentleman and always ready to be helpful, of course. 

“Well,” she says. “Shiro and Keith’s are rather—” 

Allura cuts off abruptly, watching as Keith shoves Shiro up against the table hard enough that it rattles, the pink punch sloshing out of the bowl and staining the spiderweb-themed tablecloth. 

They’re really quite the sight, Lance figures, and he can’t blame Allura for not knowing what, exactly, their costumes are meant to be. It’s easy enough, perhaps, to overlook Shiro’s pinstriped suit and slicked back hair without the context. Or maybe even Keith’s hip-hugging, slinky black dress with the low vee. Utterly wasted on Keith, in Lance’s opinion. Now, _Allura_ in that outfit? That he could get behind. 

Lance is about to say something scathing to the duo when he’s interrupted by Shiro’s downright terrifyingly sappy giggle. Shiro hooks his hand around the back of Keith’s neck and pulls him in for a kiss. 

Allura and Lance watch the two of them kiss up until Lance spots Shiro slipping his tongue into Keith’s mouth. Then it gets personal and uncomfortable. Lance clears his throat but it falls on deaf ears, because of course it does, and Keith makes short work of ruining Shiro’s slicked back hair, fingers buried deep and yanking him in closer. 

To think that Lance once looked up to Shiro. He used to think he was cool and collected and above stupid giggles and making out in front of all and sundry. To think that making a relationship official would lead to _this_ in his hero. 

“_Guys, please,_” Lance moans just as Keith starts moaning for an entirely different reason. 

Somehow, Keith manages to unearth his tongue from down Shiro’s throat to give Lance a scathing look. “What? We’re in character.”

With that, he falls back onto Shiro. Shiro makes a valiant effort of catching Keith mouth-first and manages it. They dissolve into pleased giggles, kissing each other up against the table. Shiro’s palms find Keith’s ass, giving a firm enough squeeze that even Lance starts blushing. 

He coughs, louder this time, but turns away with blushing cheeks when he’s further ignored. He takes Allura by the arm and leads her away. 

“They’re going to ruin the snacks,” he mutters darkly. 

“They are being very…. exuberant,” Allura says diplomatically, because she is a treasure and a wonder and Shiro and Keith don’t deserve her or her grace, in Lance’s very humble but extremely correct opinion. 

“They have some nerve saying they’re _in character_,” Lance says, shuddering. “Pretty sure the Addams Family never made out against a snack table, those heathens.” 

“They are… a famous family?” Allura asks. 

Lance dismissively waves his hand in the general direction of where the supreme make outs are ongoing. Geez. 

“It was a show from about a century ago. It’s been remade a few times but, ya know, it’s popular enough,” Lance says. He perks up. “They made a new movie of it a couple years ago… I could show it to you sometime.” 

Allura looks unbearably pretty when she smiles, her painted-on whiskers twitching as she considers the invitation. 

“But those two,” Lance says, waving over towards them again but refusing to actually look over to see what they’re doing. “They’re using the couple as an excuse to get all handsy. As if they’ve ever needed an excuse before.” 

“I think it’s kind of sweet,” Hunk says from behind Allura and Lance. Lance jumps, spinning around to look properly scandalized, frowning at Hunk dressed as a giant banana. “You know. They’ve got the whole… ‘we’ve waited so long to be together and now we get to be together’ kinda thing going on.” 

Lance gives Hunk a fully wounded look and glances over towards Shiro and Keith. Shiro is making steady work of mauling Keith’s neck, it looks like. Maybe he should have gone as a vampire or werewolf if he was going to just give Keith hickies all evening. Lance wrinkles his nose. 

“I agree with Hunk,” Allura demurs, her smile a little shy as she looks at Lance, cheeks flushing pink. “We truly can’t fault anyone for wanting to enjoy the time they have together, after everything the universe has been through.” 

“But making out and spilling the punch?” Lance whines. Hunk and Allura shrug. 

-

“So, let me get this straight,” Romelle says, looking very pretty in a classic astronaut costume. She points at Lance. “You didn’t tell me that we had to be acting like our costumes, only dress like one.” 

“Huh?” Lance asks. 

Romelle holds her arms out, as if floating through zero gravity. “Hello, I’m a human astronaut… What’s a parsec? I don’t know, it’s the seventh century! Yippee!” 

Lance doesn’t have time to explain that Earth had no astronauts in the seventh century. Instead, he just gapes at Romelle. “I mean, you _can_ act like your costume if you want, but it’s not a requirement.” 

“But that’s not what Shiro and Keith said,” Romelle protests. “I asked them!”

Lance pinches the bridge of his nose and risks casting a glance towards Shiro and Keith. Shiro’s doing the classic Gomez move of kissing up Keith’s arm from knuckles to shoulder, loud and obnoxious and very attention-grabby. It doesn’t help that Keith, besotted and giggly, keeps grinning down at him. God, they’re drunker than before. Lance wants to throw himself out a window. 

“And they said that they’re required to be in character and if anybody has a problem with that, they can answer to Keith’s blade.” 

Lance looks over at Keith, startled. His black, slinky dress is slipping off his shoulder as Shiro starts nuzzling at his neck again, fingers buried in Shiro’s hair. Lance stares at that form-fitting dress with a critical eye, trying to look at it objectively and not as a barely-there layer between the rest of the world and Keith’s body. Shiro’s hands fall to Keith’s hips, squeezing, the fabric bunching up. 

Lance yanks his face away and looks back at Romelle. “Oh my god,” Lance says, with the deepest feeling. “Where the hell is he keeping his blade?” 

“My theory is up his ass,” Pidge chirps, dressed as a robot and munching away on some finger foods now that the snack table is liberated from random dudes making out. 

“My dear Pidge, that’s beneath you,” Matt pipes up, trailing after his sister. He and N7 are dressed as Sparky and Garbunkle, a popular show from their childhoods. N7 is probably the hottest Garbunkle Lance has ever seen, and he’s unsure how he feels about that revelation considering N7 is a sentient robot and they’re dating Matt of all people. 

“I’m just saying,” Pidge says, chewing with her mouth open as she peers over at Shiro and Keith. She regards them with deep assessment and then scoffs. “Where else would he keep it?” 

Matt strokes his chin, staring down the two disgusting lovebirds. He snaps his fingers and asks, “Thigh?” 

“Wouldn’t you see it with those slits?” Romelle asks, not even trying to be subtle as she stares Keith and Shiro down. Lance instinctively reaches out to take her arm, gently, so she won’t actually wander over there and investigate deeper. 

“His flank seems the most logical,” N7 offers. “Is that not a satisfactory location?” 

They tilt their head towards Matt, who shrugs but looks about as besotted as Keith does looking at Shiro. Lance clears his throat before another make out happens between childhood icons that Lance really doesn’t need seared into his brain. Shiro and Keith are bad enough. 

Pidge wrinkles her nose and shrugs. “They’re probably right.” 

N7 turns towards Matt, tilting their head again— or, what passes for their head? Lance is not sure about the mechanics of sentient robots— and asks, “What is the significance of their costumes?” 

Lance sighs, wondering if he should steal away a microphone somewhere and explain to all the aliens just what Keith and Shiro are up to. There’re the Alteans, of course, and he’s already had to convince Coran that clapping over Shiro and Keith’s performance is really, truly not necessary. But there’re also the various smattering of Blades. And now N7. 

-

Kolivan has always weirded Lance out. There, he’s admitted it. The guy’s eyebrows turn into his ears and it’s _weird._ That, and he seems always ready to judge Lance. The dude never even cracks a smile for all Lance can tell. And Lance has pulled out some of his very best jokes to try to make it happen. Maybe the Galra don’t smile. 

Lance’s latent fear of Kolivan is why he curses Shiro and Keith for eternity— because now Lance has the misfortune of running into Kolivan at the snack table, both of them reaching for a pig-in-a-blanket. Kolivan is wearing the world’s smallest top hat on a stringy elastic and that seems to be the end of his costume attempts. 

Still managing to look sour and professional and not ridiculous in that hat, Kolivan says flatly, “You have invited the Blades to a sex party.” 

Lance drops his cup of punch back into the bowl and stares at Kolivan with wide eyes. “_What_?”

“Your party,” Kolivan elaborates, tone scathing and so, so judgmental, “seems a mere excuse for inebriation and copulation.” 

Lance really, truly wants to die. He was being a good host! It was his idea to throw a Halloween party, after all, and he’d thought it’d be a great introduction to Earth culture to invite the Blades and other Coalition members to the party. Lance is a _saint_! That’s why he’s dressed as an angel! And now, this! 

“I didn’t,” Lance squeaks, cowed in the face of Kolivan’s intensely judgmental stare. It’s even scarier than his mom’s, and that’s really, really saying something. “Why—” 

“Keith,” Kolivan says flatly, “does not behave in this way.” 

Lance stares at Kolivan, turning pale. He dares to look at where Kolivan’s pupiless eyes— which _weird_— are focused just in time for Keith to plant a deep kiss on Shiro’s mouth, take his hand, and pull him out of the double-doors leading into Lance’s backyard. 

Lance will never forgive them if they fuck in his mom’s garden. 

He turns back towards Kolivan with wide eyes. It occurs to him that Kolivan clearly doesn’t know Keith as well as he thinks he does if he thinks Keith wouldn’t one hundred percent always willingly behave this way with Shiro. But then he’s also doing that whole Judgmental Uncle thing or whatever. Lance hardly sees how this is _ his _fault as the host. Both Shiro and Keith are older than him! They’re adults! They’re leaders! Lance shouldn’t have to be their keeper! 

“I’ll… take care of it,” Lance finds himself squeaking out instead of saying that.

Kolivan gives him an approving nod, which is the most positive feedback he’s ever gotten from the guy. Lance flees.

Two steps towards his mom’s garden and Lance wants to die. He steels himself, fear of Kolivan’s penetrating gaze outweighing his fear of seeing Keith’s bare ass. 

He creeps out through the doors just in time for Keith to give a breathy, hitching moan tailing after a low murmur of Shiro’s name. 

“Oh god, no, please,” Lance groans, staring up at the sky and wishing some sort of entity might strike him dead. “Can’t you guys do it in a bed like normal people? Please, please stop making love in a backyard.” 

Lance dares to look, fearing the worst. 

“We’re not having sex, Lance,” Keith says dryly, which is really rich coming from him considering he’s just pressed up against Shiro like it’s no big deal, leg bare and coiled around Shiro’s hips. They might as well be fucking for all Lance cares. Keith snorts. “And did you seriously just call it ‘making love’?” 

Lance slaps a hand over his eyes so the image of Keith’s bare leg doesn’t burn into his mind forever. Shiro at least looks vaguely mortified, all pink-cheeked but also unable to muffle his grin. Great. 

“Look, you know we’re all so happy for you guys, or whatever,” Lance mutters, waving his hand. “But have mercy. You’re being embarrassing.” 

“Fuck off, Lance,” Keith says, but it sounds more like something from habit and not because he’s actually angry. In any other context, Lance would count that a victory— he’s grown on Mullet!— but right now it just leaves Lance even more embarrassed. 

“Aww, baby, be nice,” Shiro murmurs, and yeah, thanks, Lance could have gone his whole life without having to hear Shiro call Keith ‘baby’ in such a soft tone. Yikes. “Lance,” Shiro says, more even-voiced now and thank god for that, “We’re just— you know.” 

_Horny?_ Lance thinks but doesn’t dare speak it out loud. He might have had an embarrassing hero crush on Shiro for years, but he’s not ready to acknowledge Shiro having sex with Keith of all people. He knows Shiro’s got a big dick— impossible not to see that thing in the communal showers on the Castle, after all— but he really, really doesn’t want to think about it in this context. 

“Listen, do you guys actually want to be doing this in front of Kolivan of all people?” Lance groans. 

That actually seems to land. Lance peeks out from between his fingers in time to watch Shiro and Keith exchange bewildered and alarmed looks. Shiro drops Keith’s leg down. They’re still pressed together but at least Lance doesn’t need to get a load of Keith’s pale fucking thigh. 

Lance does not find it adorable when Shiro smooths his fingers through Keith’s hair, brushing it back from his face before kissing the tip of his nose. 

“We can behave,” Shiro says, sounding less like he’s reassuring Lance and more like he’s convincing Keith. He’s focused entirely on staring into Keith’s eyes.

Keith pouts up at him— something Lance could really do without seeing from his fearless leaders. Keith lifts his hands and smooths Shiro’s hair back for him, too, so that it resumes the Gomez slick-back. There’s no reason that Keith should feel the need to skate the backs of his knuckles down along the cut of Shiro’s chiseled jaw, and yet Lance gets to witness that, too. 

“What’s the point of me wearing a dress if you’re not getting me out of it?” Keith asks. He shoots a glance at Lance, expression flat. “That’s your cue to leave, by the way. I don’t need a weird angel hovering over my shoulder.” 

“Ugh,” Lance grunts, crossing his arms. “My costume is masterful and you’re just jealous.” 

Keith rolls his eyes and plants a purposeful kiss on Shiro’s cheek, nuzzling his nose against his jaw. Shiro’s smile is downright dopey. 

“Sorry, Lance,” Shiro says, even though he starts running his hands up and down Keith’s back, tracing the curve of his spine. “We didn’t mean to make anyone uncomfortable.” 

“I’m just tired of explaining your costumes to every alien in attendance,” Lance mutters. “Can’t you guys do some damn networking for a change?” 

Both Shiro and Keith shrug, thoroughly unashamed that they’ve been wrapped up in each other all evening. Figures. 

“Whatever,” Lance says. “Can’t you just go— dance or something? Like normal people? Not horndogs?” 

_Horndogs,_ Keith mouths up at Shiro. Lance can tell Shiro wants to laugh and appreciates his resistance. His image of Shiro, however, is shattered forever. Oh well. 

“Okay, Grandpa,” Keith says, stepping back from Shiro and taking his hand. “We’ll stop being _horndogs_ and hold off on _making love_ until we get home.” He turns back to Shiro with a much softer smile, tugging once. “Come dance with me, Shiro.”

“You got it, baby,” Shiro says, and pats Lance on the shoulder as they pass, sympathizing but not nearly as guilt-ridden as Lance thinks he should be. “Good party, Lance. It’s been fun. Make sure you enjoy yourself, too.” 

“Yeah, thanks,” Lance mutters, letting them go on ahead. He takes a breath, steeling himself, and reenters the party. 

It seems to be going well, the whole Shiro-Keith Debacle aside. The Paladins are mingling with everyone else. Some stragglers have arrived and some early-arrivals have skittered off. N7 is now the one getting handsy with Matt which makes Lance want to die anew, but maybe that’s just his fate as Party Martyr. 

Lance watches Shiro pull Keith into his arms as the music changes. 

Lance can acknowledge to himself, secretly, that he’s happy for Shiro and Keith. The war’s over. They’ve won. And now his two friends get to be together, unashamed and delighting in each other’s company. Really, they all deserve that. He’s never going to say it aloud to them, but he can think it. 

Shiro tugs Keith in closer, waltzing to the beat of some weird dance song that’s managing a slow tempo and a weirdly quick upbeat that Lance doesn’t understand. Shiro and Keith don’t seem to be paying it much mind, settling for a character-appropriate waltz across the dance floor, Shiro’s arm tucked around Keith’s waist as they glide together. 

They look happy. Keith beams up at Shiro— a truly strange expression considering he only ever does it for Shiro, so nobody else is too familiar with it— and shifts to rest his cheek against Shiro’s chest. Shiro’s expression is downright sappy. 

In the end, Lance is a romantic. Of course he’s happy for them. 

Lance glances over at Allura, who’s poured herself a new glass of punch, and watches her twitch her nose at the space mouse on her shoulder before giggling. Lance feels a flood of affection course through him, arms wrapping around himself in a hug, overwhelmed for a moment with a happiness he can’t really explain. 

He’s feeling magnanimous. When Lance walks past them towards the snack table, he doesn’t gag at Keith when he leans up to kiss Shiro. The kiss is sweet and chaste, none of that earlier tongue action, so Lance will allow it.

“Come on, Beautiful,” Lance says around a winning smile as he reaches Allura. He does an elaborate bow and offers his hand to her. “Let’s show them how it’s done?” 

Allura laughs in his face, but it’s worth it if it means she’s happy. She takes his hand, tugging him onto the dance floor to teach him the beginnings of an Altean dance. They dance literal circles around Shiro and Keith. 

He absolutely avoids all eye contact with Kolivan for the rest of the night. He can’t be held responsible for horny humans or horny aliens. Kolivan will just have to deal.

**Author's Note:**

> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject) (including the [LLF Comment Builder](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/commentbuilder)), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates responses, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/stardropdream)
> 
> **ETA:** Thank you to Krys for drawing [sheith in their costumes](https://twitter.com/HalfOfAKey/status/1186706144112402433) being casually devastating and beautiful, as usual. ♥

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] They're All Together Ooky by stardropdream](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22238491) by [taikodragon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taikodragon/pseuds/taikodragon)


End file.
